During a recent assembly, Lily N (SV) gave the following speech about discovering that she is autistic after years of struggling with her mental health. We are publishing this today to mark the beginning of Neurodiversity Celebration Week a worldwide initiative to challenge misconceptions and stereotypes and to amplify the voices of neurodivergent people in our community.
"What's wrong?"
Two simple words, yet perhaps the toughest question I faced growing up because, honestly, I didn't know. Expressing my emotions and identifying what was troubling me has always been a challenge. There were times when I felt so overwhelmed with anger or sadness, but I would never be able to explain what the matter was. And when I attempted to explain it, I stumbled over my words unable to identify the problem. Faced with this self-doubt, I convinced myself that my emotions were merely seeking attention, leading me to suppress everything and deny any genuine issues.
In my pursuit to fit in as a child, I tried so hard to be someone else, to create a whole new persona in the hopes that people would like me. I never believed that I could be liked just for being myself. People described me as energetic, bossy, and constantly talking without knowing when to stop. I'd ramble on endlessly, offering unnecessary details when explaining things. At just 10 years old, I felt like I couldn't be my true self around anyone, and I didn't even know who I truly was. I tried to mimic other people's personalities to fit in and avoid being labelled as different or weird. I completely lost myself.
This ongoing struggle left me feeling utterly exhausted, to the point where even simple tasks like brushing my teeth felt monumental. This exhaustion often led to periods of social withdrawal, heightened sensitivity, and complete burnout. To appear 'normal', I would engage in behaviours that left me drained, lacking motivation, and struggling under the weight of anxiety and depression.
Regrettably, in my attempt to 'feel something', I turned to unhealthy coping mechanisms, grappling with mental health challenges as early as primary school. Looking back, it strikes me how young I was - Little Lily should have been worrying about if she had done enough to get Star of the Week, not feeling like there was something wrong with her.
Thankfully, my struggles did not go unnoticed by my parents and teachers, leading to numerous visits to mental health specialists by the time I was 12. However, it wasn't until I was nearly 16 that a new psychiatrist said something that made me rethink and reflect on all my childhood 'quirks': "Have you ever considered that you might be autistic?".
The diagnosis hit me hard. I cried a lot once I came home and processed what had happened, I couldn't admit that maybe I was autistic. I thought I knew what autism looked like from movies and the media, and I was sure it didn't fit me. I didn't hoard things, organise my toys repeatedly, or shy away from social interactions. I was sarcastic, empathetic and had lots of friends, qualities that didn't align with the stereotype I had in my head.
"But I don't LOOK autistic?" I thought.
Turns out, I couldn't have been more wrong. There is no ‘look’ to autism, and it is not as simple as it seems. The media presents only a narrow view of autistic individuals, mostly focusing on young males. However, autism in females manifests differently, creating the common theme where girls struggle mentally and receive misdiagnoses for years, only to discover they had autism later in life.
Though labelled as "high functioning," the challenges of autism remain real. As another high-functioning individual aptly put it, "just because we CAN fake it, doesn't mean it's not killing us."
Yet, the most frustrating aspect of this whole experience was looking back to my childhood realising I was too young to go through all of that. That’s what upset me. Not the fact that I have autism, but the fact that younger Lily did not deserve the not knowing. That's the reason why I wanted to do this assembly - to raise awareness about autism and the many forms it takes, in the hope that younger girls don’t have to go through the same thing I did. Girls with autism often fly under the radar due to their adept masking abilities, leading to misdiagnoses like OCD or anxiety. This oversight increases their vulnerability to developing eating disorders and self-harm as coping mechanisms. It's crucial to recognise and support their unique struggles to ensure they receive the understanding and assistance they deserve.
The more educated people are on the issue the more that can be done to help. I struggled so much when, if I had a simple diagnosis when I was younger, I could have gotten the support I needed and had a better understanding of myself.
However, this diagnosis has led to good things; it has led me to research autism in females to allow me to have a better understanding of what it looks like for me. It has made me more passionate about learning more and I try to educate others on the topic any chance I get. I want people to understand that autism isn't just what's portrayed on TV. It's not solely about organising toys or obsessing over things; it's a daily challenge.
Did you know that 2/3 of autistic individuals have contemplated suicide? Although only 1% of the population is diagnosed with autism, a shocking 41% of suicide victims are suspected to have had undiagnosed autism. Additionally, 67% of autistic children face bullying. This proves the significance autism can have on individuals. It’s not a walk in a park.
The stigma surrounding autism is very much still real. Many of you probably never knew I have autism or received a diagnosis and that’s because, unfortunately, I felt too embarrassed to let anyone know. I didn’t want people to look at me differently. I didn’t want to be made fun of. I was scared. I shouldn’t have to feel ashamed about what others are going to do or say about something I was born with and have no control over. Autism is not a choice, and no one should be made to feel as though they must apologise for their neurology. Autistic individuals often find themselves subjected to mockery, with their unique traits and behaviours being used for jokes rather than being recognised as valid expressions of their neurodiversity. This mockery not only undermines the struggles and challenges that autistic individuals face but also perpetuates harmful stereotypes that further marginalise them.
Autism is a spectrum, and it looks different for every autistic person. That's the beauty of it, the diversity it brings. We must work towards fostering a culture of empathy and inclusion, where differences are celebrated rather than ridiculed. This requires challenging stereotypes, promoting education about autism, and creating environments where autistic individuals feel valued and respected for who they are. Autistic individuals have a different ability to contribute unique perspectives and talents to our world. Their cognitive processes often lead to innovative problem-solving. Autistic people are known for their authenticity and directness, fostering genuine connections and inspiring others to embrace their true selves. It adds to our society, the importance of embracing diverse perspectives and experiences, which enrich our world and promote inclusivity.
Let us educate ourselves and others to create a world where every individual, regardless of neurodiversity, is understood, accepted, and celebrated.
Thank you.