In our final piece to mark Neurodiversity Celebration Week, our former Latin and Classical Studies teacher and now Marketing Officer, Kayleigh Ingham, talks about how she adapts the way she works to accommodate her ADHD.
“How can you remember the names of all of your Advanced Higher pupils in 2014 but you can’t remember your husband’s birthday?”
Rather embarrassingly, this is a genuine question that I have been asked this week. In my defence, I didn’t forget it was his birthday – I just forgot to organise anything for it. To my shame, I also forgot to organise something for our anniversary. And Valentine’s Day.
For years, the fact that I couldn’t remember to send a birthday card on time or start my Christmas shopping before December 20th was a constant source of shame. I felt like I was somehow failing at being an adult or that friends and family would think that I just didn’t care. I consider myself to be an intelligent person, but I couldn’t work out why something as simple as planning for an occasion in advance stumped me every single time.
Two years ago, at the grand old age of 36, I finally got an answer – I have ADHD.
ADHD is actually very badly named. I don’t have a deficit of attention. If anything, I have an overabundance of attention – it’s trying to control what I am focusing on that’s the problem. Someone once described it to me as using a floodlight when you only really needed a torch. That’s definitely what it feels like for me. It impacts every aspect of my life, including my work.
According to research, 1 in 3 ADHDers are jobless, and it is not uncommon for people with ADHD to have a wide and varied CV. An interest-based nervous system, time blindness and impaired executive function can make ADHDers more likely to switch jobs/careers frequently or have to leave employment. This is something that I can attest to, having switched from teaching to marketing (albeit still within the education sector) with some time away from employment in between.
My desk is a visual testament to my neurodiversity. I have a plethora of fidget toys to suit every mood and situation. Fidgeting when I am listening in a meeting or even when I am presenting really helps me to focus. I will also always have Loop earplugs on hand as there are certain sounds that I find uncomfortable and some days I struggle to filter out background noise. Having the reduced number of bells in Senior School this year has made a big difference for me in this area and I have found that I am not using my earplugs quite as much.
Another thing I have learned to do is to keep a notepad and pen next to my computer keyboard so that I can make a note of anything that pops into my head while I’m in the middle of something else and don’t have time to follow the thought further. If I still want to develop that idea further when I have time to do so I can, but often I don’t.
People with ADHD can sometimes experience something called time blindness, which makes it difficult to accurately gauge time. I might think I have worked on something for 5 minutes when it has actually been closer to 20 minutes. Keeping track of how long tasks actually take me – using a visual timer – helps me to plan my time more effectively in the future. (Time blindness is also the reason that I forget to send birthday cards. My brain works on a now or not now basis, so if it is not your actual birthday then it is still in the future, therefore I don’t have to deal with it yet.)
One of my favourite things about my desk is my chair. It is actually called a yoga or meditation chair, but it allows me to sit in weird and wonderful ways that make me feel comfortable. I like to sit with my feet curled under me a lot of the time and this chair allows me to do that. Sitting at a conventional desk chair often leaves me feeling awkward and hurts my back. When this happens, all I can think about is the discomfort I am feeling and my focus goes out the window. With my yoga chair, I can switch up how I am sitting whenever I need to – and I haven’t had backache since I started using it which has been an added unintentional win.
Aside from the physical tools that I use, I am extremely lucky to work as part of a supportive team. They know to give me a deadline with any task to help me prioritise and that I prefer to receive instructions in writing so that I don’t have to rely solely on my short-term memory. They also know I can find perceived criticism difficult to deal with but that I am working on it. (This is called rejection sensitivity dysphoria and can leave me with the feeling that I have done something wrong and am definitely going to get fired with no evidence to back it up.)
My favourite analogy of being neurodiverse in a neurotypical world is that it is like being a MacBook trying to run on Windows software. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a MacBook, but you’re going to feel like there’s something wrong with you if you try running it on the wrong software. I’ve spent my life being told I was “smart” – I did well in school, got a good degree from a good university, built a career in teaching and amassed the kind of general knowledge that makes people want me on their pub quiz team – but I never felt like I could live up to the view that everyone had of me. That I was always falling short somehow. Discovering that I have been trying to run on the wrong operating system has been a truly life changing experience.
Has getting a diagnosis fixed everything for me? No, but it has given me the freedom to explore new ways of working (and living) and, crucially, it has helped me to be more forgiving of myself when I inevitably leave something to the last minute… again! And that is priceless.
p.s. In true ADHD fashion, I finally finished writing this the day after my self-imposed deadline. Not only did I procrastinate, but I also managed to do a whole list of extra non-urgent tasks to put off working on it. I even cleaned my cooker hood!